Week 6 - 34

I turned 34 today. If I’m honest, I never thought I’d make it this far. If I were really honest, I didn’t think I would make it to 14, let alone 34. I certainly don’t feel my age. No, I feel closer to 64. Everything hurts and I’m dying. Yet here I am, pushing on.

During my short time on this earth, so far, I’ve always felt behind the curve. Have you ever felt that way? Like I’m trying to build a skyscraper and I’ve only got the blueprints for the basement and the lobby...and the bathrooms are missing. No matter how many self-help books I read or YouTube tutorials I watch, I'm in this perpetual mode of waiting for the next aha moment when everything falls into place. In fact, my life can be marked by distinct moments when, as if a higher power was involved, someone turned a light on and I suddenly understood. Here are a few of those moments when God flipped the switch and gave me new understanding. (If you're looking for a short blog entry you can stop here. Thanks for popping in. I really do appreciate it.)

The first light came on at Austin Community College when I realized I wasn’t as amazing as I thought I was.

The second came after a short mission trip to Bolivar Penisula to clean up after Hurricane Ike. My friend Starla mentioned that I seemed different, happier. I was. God had turned on the light of my faith, which produced good works.

The third and one of the brightest came in Austin at an event called Impact. A 4-day training by Reinvent Ministries. I metaphorically ripped off the bandage that covered my wounds. I scrubbed them clean, and those wounds began to heal in ways I’d never known before. The pain of that process was rough, but like everything in life, the higher the cost the greater the reward. There were certainly people there who decided not to pay the same price I did, and they left with less reward and probably kept some of there wounds. I found my voice during those 4 days. I learned I had worth, and how my actions in life affect those around me. This was one of the biggest lights.

The fourth light, and the last so far, came while I was in Jasper, Alberta. I was leaning against the railing of a deck that overlooked a valley to the east. The imposing and majestic mountains stretched for miles, while thin clouds cascaded down around them. It was in that moment that I thought to myself, I miss San Angelo. It had become my home. I wasn't missing the extreme heat of the summers, or the water, which has its own flavor, but those people who had become my community. That has been my guiding light thus far, the importance, no the necessity of being in a community. Being known.

I feel this will be a great year! Thanks for sticking with me. This was a long one.